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Last week, I analyzed a scene, showing you what I wished to accomplish with each line. That scene was the first meet between Bee and Nicolas, our billionaire hero. This week, I’ll be doing the same thing with the first meet between Bee and Hawke, our bad boy biker hero.
Once again, I’ll be using a scene from Sinful Rewards 1 ( http://www.amazon.com/Sinful-Rewards-Billionaires-Bikers-Novella-ebook/dp/B00I7V89H0 ).
“You’re a hot mess, aren’t you?” He bends over and retrieves the wayward tube. <-- Bee is a neat freak. She HATES messes. That Hawke calls her a hot mess is significant. It shows her that she can be sexy even if she’s imperfect. This paragraph also shows readers that Hawke is a take action type of guy. He picks up the tube because she needs it back. He doesn’t wait to be asked.
“I’m not normally a mess.” I stuff my brush, wallet, passcard, and, oh my God, my emergency tampon back into my purse. My hands tremble. “The strap broke and—”<-- Hawke has seen Bee at her worst. He’s seen her emergency tampon, for goodness sakes! Notice how Bee focuses on ‘mess’ and completely ignores the ‘hot’ part of Hawke’s comment. She can’t put the two side by side in her mind.
“You have black ink all over your pretty white shirt.” He skims the unopened tube of lipstick down my cotton-covered side, leaving a trail of sweet sensation. My nipples tighten and my spine arches, my body instinctually responding to his touch.<-- Hawke tells Bee exactly how it is. He doesn’t ignore the black ink or try to be polite. He’s unrelentingly honest. He takes the opportunity to touch her. She reacts physically, almost primitively.
“Give me that.” I snatch the lipstick from him, unnerved by my reaction, and I glance down at my blouse. “Oh, God.” Black ink is smudged over the fabric. “You’re right.” My heart sinks. Has it been there all day? Since I doctored my purse this morning? Nicolas, my boss, everyone must have seen it, and no one said anything, no one except my badass biker. “I am a mess.” My voice wobbles.<-- Bee was rigidly polite with Nicolas, showing him what she thought he wanted to see. She’s honest and open to the point of rudeness with Hawke. She cusses. She shows her emotions. That Hawke is the only one who pointed out the ink stain is significant also. She can trust him to tell the truth. Notice also that she says ‘MY badass biker.’ She has already claimed Hawke as her own, giving him some of her loyalty.
“You’re a hot mess,” he corrects. “There’s a big difference between the two.” His eyes are a faded blue, matching his jeans. “Let me see your purse.” He holds out one large hand. Calluses and scars mar his skin.<-- First, Hawke notices that his comment made Bee feel bad and he immediately addresses this. As we saw in the scene with Nicolas, Bee does the same thing. Second, Bee LOVES it when outfits coordinate. This is why she notes that Hawke’s eyes match his jeans. He naturally coordinates. Third, Hawke takes action once more, asking for her purse. Fourth, Hawke isn’t perfect. His skin is callused and scarred. Bee believes perfection is necessary for love.
I eye his palm with suspicion. “Why do you want to see it?”<-- Bee is a cautious woman. She doesn’t trust or change her plans quickly.
“I need to use your brush,” he jokes. “Why do you think?” I think he’s full of shit. His brown hair is buzzed close to his head. There’s nothing for him to brush. “I’ll fix the strap for you. There’ll be less of it.” His gaze drifts down my body, his perusal more stimulating than any touch. “But then there’s less of you.”<-- Hawke jokes and she knows he’s joking. He’s a fellow fixer. He looks at her, which Bee, our exhibitionist heroine, equates to caring.
“There’s the perfect amount of me.” I put my free hand on my hip. “I’m average height.”<-- Again, Bee uses the word ‘perfect.’ She feels perfection is necessary for love. She puts her hand on her hip which would draw his gaze there. Bee is in denial about her height. She doesn’t want to be viewed as ‘less than.’
“You are average height. . .for a munchkin.” The tattooed stranger stares unabashed at my chest. My taut nipples press against the cotton, begging for his attention. “A shapely, sexy—”<-- Hawke calls her on her lies. He’ll do this throughout the story, forcing her to be honest with herself. He calls her a munchkin which has cute connotations. Again, he looks at her and she wants even more attention.
“You’re one wrong word away from a slap across the face.” I glare at him.<-- This is an open, honest reaction. Bee says whatever pops into her head, her words uncensored. Notice how her threat is a physical one, as though she’s looking for an excuse to touch him.
If you liked this post, you might like
Writing Erotic Romance – Balancing Sex And Plot
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Writing Erotic Romance – Making Every Sex Scene Different
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Writing Erotic Romance – Making Sex Sexy
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Writing Erotic Romance – The Basics Of A Sex Scene
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Writing Erotic Romance – Word Choice
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Sinful Rewards 1
Cynthia Sax
Belinda “Bee” Carter is a good girl; at least, that’s what she tells herself. And a good girl deserves a nice guy—just like the gorgeous and moody billionaire Nicolas Rainer. He is everything she wants in a man.
Or so she thinks, until she takes a look through her telescope and sees a naked, tattooed man on the balcony across the courtyard. Hawke is mysterious, the bad boy she knows will bring only heartbreak. He has been watching her, and that makes him all the more enticing.
But when a mysterious and anonymous text message dares her to do something bad, she must decide if she is really the good girl she has always claimed to be, or if she’s willing to risk everything for her secret fantasy of being watched.
Is her mystery man the reclusive billionaire with a wild side or the darkly dangerous bad boy?
Buy Links:
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Sinful-Rewards-1-Cynthia-Sax-ebook/dp/B00I7V89H0
ARe: https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-sinfulrewards1-1560586-237.html
Barnes And Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/sinful-rewards-1-cynthia-sax/1119055390
Google: https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Cynthia_Sax_Sinful_Rewards_1?id=g08ZAwAAQBAJ
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/sinful-rewards-1/id814148703?mt=11
