Note: For ease of discussion, I’ll refer to romances as being between one female and one male. My points apply to almost all other relationship constructs also. (Almost because this is writing and there are no absolutes with writing.)
Some people have been questioning if women who write and/or read Romance can be supporters of the #MeToo movement. Our fictional men sometimes don’t ask permission before they touch their heroines. How can we request more from the men in our real lives? Doesn’t supporting #MeToo while reading/writing these types of stories make us hypocrites?
There are two HUGE reasons I see no conflicts between writing/reading Romance and supporting #MeToo.
1) We’re Writing/Reading FICTION.
I write about blowing up inhabited planets. That doesn’t mean I would blow up the Earth if I got the opportunity. I write about decapitating bad guys. In reality, I am undecided about whether or not I support the death penalty (a more humane death) for severe crimes.
Mystery writers and readers usually aren’t pro-murder. Horror writers and readers usually aren’t pro-spooky-clowns-in-sewers. SciFi writers and readers usually aren’t in support of robots taking over the world.
Why are Romance writers and readers held to a different standard?
We shouldn’t be, yet, for some bizarre reason, we are.
2) We Often Experience The Heroine’s Inner Thoughts And Emotions In Romance Novels
This is a HUGE difference between Romance Novels and reality.
Many Romance Novels are written partially or entirely from the female character’s point of view. We experience the female character’s inner thoughts and emotions. We know she wants and is enjoying whatever the hero is doing to her.
The men we meet face-to-face in our daily lives don’t experience our inner thoughts and our emotions. Until humans develop mind reading abilities, men have to use words and other means of communication to determine what women want. They should ask permission before touching us.
Story Reasons For Consent In Romance Novels
Romance Novels are, as I mentioned, fiction. Do what you need to do to tell the story you want to tell in the best way you can.
But there ARE story reasons for having consent in Romance novels.
Two of my faves are…
1) It Increases The Likelihood There’s A Believable Happy Ever After.
If the hero doesn’t listen to the heroine about a simple thing like whether or not she wants to be touched, he likely won’t listen to her about anything else. That’s a HUGE problem in a relationship, a core issue that would take many pages and a great deal of skill to tackle.
I prefer to write about a variety of issues (like fear of loss or trust issues or other things). Most of my heroes gain consent first.
and
2) Listening IS A Big Part Of The Fantasy For Many Readers
Often part of a romance hero’s appeal is he is focused on the heroine. He listens to her. He somehow knows what she wants, what she needs. He asks what she likes and, again, he LISTENS.
Many times, the difference between a Romance hero and a Romance villain is the villain is focused on himself and the hero is focused on others (including the heroine). If the hero doesn’t listen to others, he often resembles the villain. That’s a HUGE hurdle to overcome.
Again, I’d rather write about a variety of issues, not just that one.
Confirming Consent In Romance Novels
I try my best to ensure there’s consent in my stories. I haven’t always done this well and I’m certain I will make mistakes in the future with consent (again, my stories are fiction and reading buddies know the heroine’s inner thoughts and emotion). There are many writers in Romanceland doing a better job of this than I am.
Here are some tactics I use and I’ve seen other writers use…
1) The First Sex Scene Starts In The Heroine’s Point-Of-View
When possible, I write the first sex scene from the heroine’s point-of-view. This ensures readers know what the heroine is feeling and thinking. It reassures us she wants sex with the hero. Nothing is happening that she doesn’t desire.
2) The Heroine Touches First
In Dark Cure, my November release, my heroine zaps anyone who physically touches her or any of her medics without permission. My hero pursues my heroine but he doesn’t touch her. SHE touches HIM first. (She also gives him permission to touch her.)
Does this make him less dominant? No. He’s much larger, stronger. She knows he’s waiting because he has chosen to wait, not because he can’t overpower her. I find this control to be super sexy and a sign of respect, which is also super sexy (grins).
3) The Heroine Says Yes
In Dark Cure, the hero outright asks the heroine if he can touch her. That exchange isn’t necessary in Romance Novels (again because we experience the heroine’s inner thoughts). It can be implied with her saying, “Yes. Yes. Yes.” or “More” or “Harder”, all of the sexy words.
It can also be implied with her physical responses. She grips his shoulders, holding him to her. She wraps her legs around him. She moves toward him, not away from him.
The hero should ALWAYS stop sexual advances if the heroine says “No.” ALWAYS. The heroine might send mixed signals, pushing him away while saying “More” (again, this is FICTION and we experience her true emotions) but if she says “No”, sexy times are over.
Don’t be afraid to have the heroine say “No” and have the sexy times stop. Sex-interrupted is a powerful tool. Yes, it can frustrate readers so use it sparingly and skillfully. But it can also increase tension and advance character/plot.
Note: If your heroine has a history of abuse, she will likely say “No” at some point in the story. That’s often a necessary scene because her biggest fear is likely saying “No” and her love interest not respecting that “No”. She needs to know her hero will listen to her.
4) There Is A Pause Where She Could Say “No.”
I often have these pauses in stories when the hero is super dominant and super aggressive. The couple is well on their way to full out sexy times and he’ll pause. He might ask her what she wants. Or he’ll merely pull back and she knows he has doubts (as we are in her point-of-view).
She’ll then coax him to continue. Or maybe she’ll cuss at him to continue. (grins) Or maybe they WILL stop. It depends on my heroine’s character.
The point is she can stop the encounter at that time. She is in control of the sexy times and her body.
5) The Hero Tells The Heroine What He Plans To Do With Her
Oh my word. Is there anything sexier than a hero who tells his heroine every naughty thing he plans to do with her BEFORE he does it? (fans heated face) Of course, this gives the heroine an opportunity to say “No” or to tell him she’d prefer he do XX rather than YY. But it also builds anticipation. And it communicates he’s been thinking about her. That’s HOT.
6) She Communicates Her Secret Desires In Advance
This is a common plot device in Dubious Consent Romances. The CEO’s Assistant gets drunk and sends a sexy message to her normally uptight, rigorously proper CEO, telling him every deliciously indecent thing she wants to do to him. A Mafia hitman drives a waitress home one evening and she leaves her notebook in his car. In it, she has written about her abduction fantasies. The hunky neighbor overhears the heroine talking to her best friend about how she wants to have sex with a stranger but she doesn’t know how to arrange that.
Again, this is FICTION and we experience her inner thoughts.
Want to increase the tension a little more? Have a bit of time pass between the communication and the sexy times. The CEO acts as though he didn’t receive the message, treating our assistant heroine as brusquely as he usually does. The waitress doesn’t see the Mafia hitman for a day or two. The sexy neighbor invites the sex with a stranger fantasizing heroine on a normal date.
The point is to make consent fun and interesting, adding power to the plot and to the relationship. Our hero can still take what he wants. He merely ensures she wants it too.
Can Romance writers/readers be advocates for #MeToo? Of course, we can. I see no conflict between writing/reading Romance and supporting #MeToo.
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The Cyborg’s Secret Baby
A fierce cyborg warrior and his curvy human female share a no-longer-so-little secret.
Stealth, a K Model cyborg, knows his passion for Zebrina, the commander’s human daughter, is forbidden, yet he can’t resist the curvy female. He craves her touch, cherishes her sounds of pleasure, would do anything to keep her safe.
When he’s faced with the choice of protecting his fragile human or living to see the next sunrise, he chooses her, always her, sending Zebrina halfway across the universe to safety. He doesn’t realize their stolen moments had consequences neither of them believed possible.
After hearing her warrior died in battle, Zebrina focuses on the last gift he gave her. Doing what is right for their child is her sole priority. She will put their son’s happiness first, even if that means choosing another male over the love of her life.
The Cyborg’s Secret Baby is a STAND-ALONE story loosely connected to the Cyborg Sizzle series.
It is also a Second Chance Cyborg SciFi Romance set in a dark, gritty, often-violent universe.
Buy Now:
Amazon US: https://www.amazon.com/Cyborgs-Secret-Baby-Stars-ebook/dp/B07F2NK6D4
Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cyborgs-Secret-Baby-Stars-ebook/dp/B07F2NK6D4
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